Was it her?
Was it him?
Was it the pain in my body?
Was it the challenge of the new business venture?
Was it the pressures of work?
Maybe all of them, all I know is that it had shut up shop, packed bags and gone on its way to a more worthy candidate.
My thoughts had not been light sustaining of late, ingratitude, stress, tiredness, pain and negativity had been consuming me. The victim mindset had gotten hold of me of all people and bit by bit had untethered my stability in joy. It must have been my greed that led the mutiny – I had so much more now than in any point in my life and still I was not satisfied because a few things were still not right.
If I had spoken into myself as I had done for so many others, I would have encouraged myself to notice the half filled glass and be a little bit more patient, I would have gone into my toolkit and reached for my gratitude net to bring all that was good in my life to my fullest attention.
Somehow, I hadn’t managed to catch myself and joy slipped out of my grasp without me knowing and I did not like it one bit.
In hindsight I recognise that many people exist in this joyless state and regard people like me as unrealistic, crazy or woo woo. I hadn’t felt this feeling in a very long time and I am now grateful for the reminder of what people are having to live with and through every day.
It was on the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday that my joy gave up on me. I fought through the night to hold on, and even meditated on the Saturday morning, but my negative thoughts had gotten the better of me. I know precisely when it left, but will not state it here as I am reluctant to place the blame on the final straw that broke the donkeys back- there were many straws ahead of that one and if anything, it is the first straw that needs to be found so that I can recognise it, in good time in future. Off it went, it wasn’t gone long, 24 hours I would say, but it was long enough for me. The pain in my body amplified, the negativity of my mind ran a mock. Everything was in danger of being thrown out of the bath with the water, myself included. Easter Sunday came, I had agreed to take my mother to church, but although obliged I was glad to be going in the hope that a reminder of the profound teachings Christ Jesus gave us might bring persuade my joy to come back.
We went, we sang, I cried, I left, still empty.
So what brought it back?
My children, the two munchkins commenting amongst themselves whilst I cooked Sunday dinner that a TV character reminded them of me – always optimistic. Mimicking me, they laughed and exchanged a few of my fail safe lines of inspiration and admitted to using them in times of need. My joy took a peek and gave a half smile as the realisation that despite their refusal to adopt many of the practices I had tried to passed on to them, my munchkins had been paying attention and clearly understood the power of their thoughts.Encouraged, my joy joined us as we sat and ate dinner, and as a proud mother hen I encouraged my maturing munchkins with no success to eat their greens but my joy fully revived remained unaffected.
Life is a rollercoaster of emotions with challenges in the troughs and great joy at the peaks. Our perception of these trough experiences as we journey through life can derail us often without us realising, leaving us stuck, sometimes for years. When we are able to change our perception of the ‘trough’ experience acknowledging it, as tough as it may be, as an opportunity for growth, “soul-utions” and “real-isations” (the reality or truth behind the soul’s situation and the way out) are better able to present themselves.
How or why do even the most “balanced” get derailed? I believe it is because no matter how balanced we become there is always more to be fine tuned. If there wasn’t we would no longer need to exist in this earth life which is for growing. We are perfect spiritual beings having human avatar experiences, but we are not perfected and the higher you climb the more refined the challenge. Our job is to recognise the challenges for what they truly are – Opportunities to grow, learn and understand ourselves. Generally, if we don’t the challenge persists or sometimes gets harder. Whilst we have “Free Will” to ignore these life lessons and continue on our merry way, in time and with wisdom, I have come to the “real-isation” that greater ease in life comes through acceptance of the greater WILL of your God Self and Creator or Source.
So what was my lesson, you may be asking? It was all about my Will Power being mis-aligned with the Will of God/Universe/Creator/Source. Timing is everything. Everything I do affects the whole, my actions send out ripples that affect others far and wide, we never consciously know where it ends, but our higher God Self does and if what we are wanting to achieve is not in alignment, the doors become very difficult to open and if they do, it generally comes with painful consequences.
I was reminded that my efforts were bearing fruit and that when the time is right the fruits of our labour reveal themselves.