I recently came out, took a big decision to share a hidden truth with the world. When the opportunity presented itself to me, to expose what I had been hiding, the initial feeling was freedom; I could feel myself relax into my hidden truth… Then my conscious mind took over and feelings of shame, less than, not good enough came up. Hiding was safe, exposure was humiliation.
The initial feelings I had felt, the intuitive part of me, didn’t quieten down, she wanted her say, she wanted her release. So I committed myself and said yes to the offer of revelation. I knew what I was going to do was bigger than me. I knew it would be a platform for others to gain their freedom and acceptance. The person who had put the proposition to me in the 1st place also asked if I was sure over and over, as she knew I was doing was going to touch a lot of people.
The reveal was a photo-shoot in a glossy magazine with an article about women and hair loss. I would have a picture of me looking all glamorous with my bald head and a picture of me in the hair pieces made for me by my amazing hairdresser.
On the day of the shoot, there were other models there taking pictures for other features. They were beautiful with their long flowing locks. I sat there, feeling overwhelmed, alarmed and quite nervous, my reveal was coming. There were photographers, models, hairdressers, make-up artists and the magazine editor there, all these eyes to see and judge me. I felt naked, should I get up and leave, I didn’t belong here; I was way out of my comfort zone. I stayed put, actually rooted to the spot, with all that was going on, all the emotions that were whirling around my body, I knew that I wanted to go through with it. It had become the safe way for me to come out, reveal my truth.
The make-up artist did an amazing job, the photographer was kind and gentle, I smiled easily, I was radiant. Everyone one just watched and smiled. I felt good.
A few months passed in which I had put the reveal to the back of my mind, then I received an email from the editor saying that the article would be in the next edition of the magazine. Wow, Oh My God, it is happening, Exposure Central here I come. A part of me said “well no one you know will buy the magazine, so revelation only limited to strangers”. Noooo, shouted the true voice, you owe it to yourself to fully embrace this. I realised that this was the miracle I had prayed for,( although the prayers were more about a miraculous restoration of hair!) the reveal was for my highest good. At that moment I was 100% behind the reveal, I wanted to make sure that my story reached those who needed to hear it. I was sent a pdf copy of the article and decided to put it on a social media website so that all my friends and family would see it.
The feedback and out pouring of love was amazing, I was touched by the many comments and felt blessed beyond blessed and so very empowered. I had done what I ask others to do in my role as a coach. I had exposed something I had chosen to experience as dark and with the help of others poured so much loving light on to it. I had taken the shame and embarrassment out of my hair loss and replaced it with love, truth and acceptance. I had taken back my power which I had given to others by hiding.. It not only affected how I saw myself, but I what I felt about myself. I avoided going swimming, going to the spa as I didn’t want to get my hair pieces wet or take it off. I had nightmares about it coming off in a gust of strong wind. When I didn’t have my hair piece on, I avoided looking at my lack of hair, it had become some much more bigger than just hair, I had begun to see me not as a loving, beautiful person, but as a woman who had no hair, who was somehow inadequate and not whole…
I was so very proud of myself for doing it.
Author: Patricia Campbell